This week on the Round Table: an Oregon man fights off twelve cops while masturbating, an overweight virgin almost kills his girlfriend during his first go round, and Jose Canseco is in goat trouble. Joining us today: Jermaine Fowler, Reid Faylor, and Henry Zebrowski!

Comedian Jenny Zigrino stops by the studio to get real about historical reenactments. It doesn’t get any nerdier than that.

Can you survive your family? It’s not easy, no matter who you are. Chris talks to comedians Andy Sandford, Kelly Fastuca, Chris Duffy, and Pat Dixon to see how you can live with the people who helped create you. Be sure to listen, subscribe, rate & review on iTunes!

Beyonce releases a secret album to the delight of the masses, the child star known as Pippi Longstocking is arrested for a drunken hit and run, and a special Christmas edition of Blind Items features quite a bit of everyone’s favorite form of precipitation.

Comedian and author Dan Wilbur–also of Cave Comedy Radio’s TWO BOOK MINIMUM–joins the boys to talk about Shia LaBeouf’s plagiarism of Daniel Clowes. Uh oh. Buy Dan’s book, BETTER BOOK TITLES, now!

Slade Sohmer returns to talk about being in Wall Street during and after 9/11 and America’s possible overreaction to Amazon’s drones.

Jackie takes a tumble much to the delight of a group of Brooklyn teenagers and we answer letters from a kid looking to get over a breakup and a girl who who needs to find a new group of friends.

Sirius Radio host Slade Sohmer joins us to talk about the execution of Kim Jong Un’s uncle, Ben’s undying devotion to the documentary Blackfish, and how to bring justice to the man who invented the Taco Bell Dorito Taco.

Beyonce gets called out for her clothes after proclaiming herself to be vegan for 22 days, Lindsay Lohan is implicated in a scuffle with a Hilton, and Babs proves to be the sassy wino that we all suspected she could be.

This week on Round Table: a routine exercise for a fire department ends in a jet fuel accident, a law banning incorrigible rogues is stricken from the books in England, and a Hawaiian man is killed by cops for brandishing a 12 foot pole with a knife taped to the end.

The Kardashians release an oddly disturbing Christmas card, the death of Paul Walker inspires myriad conspiracy theories, and Molly’s image of Kanye is shattered beyond repair.

Comedians Meghan O’Keefe and Matteo Lane join the boys to discuss the news of Wonder Woman’s addition to SUPERMAN VS. BATMAN. Really, was Wonder Woman ever given her due?